By Courtney Hyland

There was a time when conversations and relationships happened primarily offline. We formed and maintained connections in person for the most part. That’s no longer the reality.

Today, relationships happen in group chats, on social media, and through apps. Whether people are aware or not, emerging technology like AI has a hand in our relationships. As these online spaces become more prevalent, they also create new opportunities for harm to occur.

In our work at The Retreat, we are seeing that technology is increasingly becoming a tool for control in interpersonal relationships. While young people are often at the forefront of these shifts, technology-facilitated abuse is not limited to any one age group. The same patterns of power, control and manipulation that have always existed in abusive relationships are now showing up in digital spaces.

The Bigger Picture

Abuse doesn’t begin with technology. It begins with power and control. Abuse is a pattern of coercive behavior in which an individual establishes and maintains power and control over with whom they have an intimate, romantic or familiar relationship. These behaviors can take many forms including emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and increasingly more common, technological.

Technology can amplify these dynamics by making it easier, faster, more constant, and often, harder to spot. Messages are sent instantly. Location is tracked in real time. A photo can go viral in seconds. The harassment, stalking, and shaming behaviors endured by victims is not new, rather, what’s changed is the scale, speed and persistence with which they can occur online.

Today’s Online Dynamic

Some forms of technology-facilitated abuse are overt, but many are subtle, often framed as normal parts of modern-day relationships. Some concerning behaviors that we see often include sharing passwords to “prove trust” to their partner, expectation to respond immediately at all times, or pressure to send explicit photos. If someone is feeling pressured, monitored or afraid to say no, it’s evidence of a controlling dynamic. 

One area we’re noticing a rapid increase in frequency and intensity is image-based abuse. It’s often talked about as “revenge porn”, but that framing is too narrow and doesn’t capture what people are actually experiencing. Today, image-based abuse can include the non-consensual sharing of intimate images, threats to share images using sextortion, and sending unsolicited explicit images to unassuming victims. Even newer forms of harm emerge rapidly, particularly with the rise of AI and image-based technologies. Deepfake tools can create realistic explicit images of someone without their consent, often using ordinary pictures on social media. These images can then be shared in group chats or other online spaces that spread quickly. 

What’s especially concerning is how accessible these tools have become for everyone. Young people are describing how easy they are to use and how prevalent they are in their daily lives. 

Why This Hits Young People So Hard

For teens, the digital world isn’t separate from the real world– it’s exactly the same. Friendships, romantic relationships, and identity are shaped through interactions in online spaces. That means when harm happens digitally, it is not contained. It follows them everywhere: school, home, social settings, and more importantly, in how they see themselves.

There’s an intense pressure to stay connected. When communication never turns off, it becomes harder to recognize when something crosses a line. What starts to feel normal may actually be controlling. Through our work in schools and teens in The Retreat’s Teen Leadership Council, young people are naming these experiences clearly. Using threats to spread a rumor or to break up unless sharing explicit images is something teens see often, as well as using manipulative tactics such as “if you truly loved me, you would send them”. 

Where We Go From Here

As technology continues to evolve, so will the ways people experience relationships, both positive and harmful. The goal isn’t to create fear around technology, but to stay informed and responsive to what’s actually happening online. By broadening our understanding of issues like image-based abuse, recognizing emerging trends, and continuing to center conversations on respect and healthy boundaries, we can better support youth and one another in navigating an ever changing digital world.

Through education, partnerships, and ongoing dialogue, The Retreat remains committed to helping support our community in building healthy relationships in every space, both online and off. 

Support & Resources

• The Retreat, allagainstabuse.org, 24-Hour Hotline 631-329-2200
• Cyber Civil Rights Initiative, cybercivilrights.org, 844-878-2274
• National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Take it Down, takeitdown.ncmec.org
• Common Sense Media, commonsensemedia.org
• National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, loveisrespect.org, text “LOVEIS” to 22522

Courtney Hyland is the Associate Director of Prevention Education at The Retreat, where she leads the development of evidence-informed prevention education initiatives focused on healthy relationships, technology-facilitated abuse, and youth empowerment.