Cailin Riley | 27East.com | Oct 14, 2026

When Cate Carbonaro was working as a public defender in the Bronx, she often found herself defending her own career choice. People questioned why she wanted to represent people accused of crimes. Some even asked how she slept at night.

The answer lay in the reality that most cases were far from black and white — and in many of them, the person on trial was the most vulnerable person in the room.

Carbonaro, 40, is now two years into her tenure as executive director of The Retreat, a nonprofit agency providing comprehensive domestic violence and human trafficking support services for children and adults, as well as violence prevention programming. Yet she vividly remembers her years in criminal defense, largely because those experiences directly shaped the leader she is today.

During an interview earlier this week, Carbonaro recalled representing a woman early in her career who had been charged with kidnapping. As she met with her client and dug into the facts, Carbonaro realized the woman was a survivor of human trafficking who had actually been trying to help another victim escape when she was arrested.

Over the years, Carbonaro came face-to-face with the reality that many survivors of abuse — whether trafficking, domestic violence, or sexual assault — end up with criminal records, making it significantly harder to escape their circumstances, seek help, or rebuild their lives. Because they do not always fit the stereotypical profile of a victim, doors to critical support are too often slammed shut.

Carbonaro’s drive to advocate for people caught in those circumstances led her to The Retreat. Her passion is unmistakable when discussing the agency’s mission to support survivors across all ages and backgrounds — and how much work remains.

Currently, Carbonaro is steering The Retreat through an array of outreach programs, fundraising initiatives, and community events marking Domestic Violence Awareness Month, observed every October. Established in 1989, the national campaign amplifies survivor voices, elevates public awareness and pushes for systemic change. This year, The Retreat’s efforts center on youth and adult education, survivor resources and tools for community engagement.

On Wednesday, October 14, The Retreat hosted a virtual conversation on domestic and intimate partner violence with journalist, advocate and author Rachel Louise Snyder, author of “No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us.” Moderated by Jennifer Reyes, MS, RN, magnet program director at North Shore University Hospital, the event is co-sponsored by Northwell Health’s Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence Awareness Team Member Support Workgroup, Employee & Family Assistance Program, and Katz Institute for Women’s Health, alongside The Retreat.

Another cornerstone of the month is Purple Thursday on October 15, a national day of action where community members wear purple to stand in solidarity with survivors and champion healthy relationships. That date also marks The Retreat’s Giving Day, an essential drive to fund free, confidential services for victims of domestic abuse, sexual assault and human trafficking. Contributions can be made at allagainstabuse.org/givingday.

Also on October 15, the newly re-formed Alliance Against Domestic Violence will focus its campaign on emerging patterns in family violence, with an emphasis on elder abuse. The Retreat, alongside the Suffolk County Police Department and local service providers, will present at the H. Lee Dennison Building in Hauppauge. Carbonaro will speak on recognizing the signs of elder abuse, how communities can intervene and the specific assistance The Retreat provides.

This year’s observances arrive amid heightened national conversations surrounding sexual assault and the insidious misogyny that continues to imperil meaningful progress. The convergence of Domestic Violence Awareness Month with widespread discussions of the Cornell University sexual assault case and controversial remarks by comedian Shane Gillis on “Saturday Night Live” is not lost on Carbonaro.

She pointed to The Retreat’s longstanding prevention education, noting that the organization recently lost vital grant funding for those initiatives. While crisis intervention — from operating an emergency shelter to providing legal advocacy and counseling — remains paramount, prevention is equally indispensable.

“We need to teach our kids, our sons and daughters, about consent,” she said. “We need to teach them — to go to the Shane Gillis nightmare — that this isn’t funny. Because if every single thing is a joke, then people are going to think it’s a joke. The people who like Shane Gillis are young white men, and the people who get arrested for sexual assault are often young white men. The problem is that people don’t take this seriously.”

The Retreat has been on the front lines of that battle — while constantly working to secure the funds to sustain it — for decades. Approaching its 40th anniversary next year, the agency is a recognized fixture among East End nonprofits, though the true breadth of its services is often broader than the public realizes.

“We did start out as this small shelter that the community really came behind,” Carbonaro said. “It was not a political issue. To this day, we have a really big presence in the community in so many other ways. Our prevention education is in East Hampton schools, Montauk, Springs — we’re in schools all the way to Riverhead and Southampton. We’re really a part of the curriculum and teach kids from elementary up, at age-appropriate levels, ‘This is what you should know.’ It’s bringing awareness to kids who might be in these situations, who might recognize, ‘Hey, my mom is in that situation.’”

That outreach reinforces that The Retreat is far more than an emergency shelter — it is a comprehensive lifeline for anyone navigating interpersonal violence, whether between romantic partners, parent and child, or involving elder abuse, sexual assault and sex trafficking.

“We try to be much more inclusive than less,” Carbonaro said. “We’re not trying to say, ‘You can’t come here.’ We’re trying to say, ‘Let me hear what happened so you can come here.’”

For more information about The Retreat and its Domestic Violence Awareness Month initiatives, visit allagainstabuse.org.